I’ve always danced in the woo woo world. The spiritual world. The world where you can’t see or explain everything that happens. Although, up until recently I didn’t fully accept this part of myself. I resisted it for so long until I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Even now, sometimes the word spirituality makes my stomach kinda knot.
My mum and dad had a big influence on me in this way when I was young. I grew up reading numerology, dream interpretation & horoscope books and to me it was always fascinating & fun and felt completely normal.
My earliest memory of this world was telling my mum I could hear people talking in our lounge room. I knew they weren’t ‘real’ as in physically there, but they were there. I wasn’t scared, I just knew. I know lots of kids have these types of experiences and many times it’s suppressed because they’re told it’s not real or they’re being silly.
I was lucky enough that my parents didn’t think I was a freak, but in their own busy-ness they probably didn’t know how to nurture and encourage it. I didn’t have anything happen like that again for a long time. School and corporate jobs weren’t exactly nurturing for the woo-woo things, so it just lay dormant for a while waiting for me to find it again. It came back to me many years later through dreams. I would dream about things before it happened or dream about people I hadn’t seen for a long time and then see them the next day. I didn’t know it at the time, but this was me coming home spiritually. I started to have more dreams.
I remember dreaming about things then waking up and feeling they were significant. I once had a dream that I was riding a bike and I was going a long way. It felt exhausting. I don’t remember the exact meaning, but it was about death. Not long after, my cousin passed away. He’d had a short life and spent all of it being unwell. In the dream, I felt how I imagine he would have felt. I also started to see repeating numbers everywhere. Repeating 0’s and 1’s were everywhere I looked, and I learned that these are angel numbers or messages from the universe.
The more inner work I did and the more I got on top of my anxiety, the more I was opening up. I was relaxed and creating space for this to happen. Unexplainable coincidences happened. And now looking back, I can see that the more I
un-became what I thought I should be, the more I found myself. As I found myself, I crossed paths with more spiritually awakened people. I was introduced to intuition, card reading and manifesting. I played with all these things, although my logical mind held on for dear life. I thought about things too much and analysed how it worked.
The decisions I made eventually led me to a purpose coach. I knew Fleur was a bit woo woo but I had no idea how spiritual she was (it’s even hard for me to write that word)
I was suffering with constant fatigue so she encouraged me to have a reiki session. Well, I’d never felt anything like it. Each time I had a session I was relaxed and calm. My reiki lady told me ‘something big is about to happen with you.’ I was expanding with work and that’s what I thought she meant. (There’s my logical brain again.) But no, THIS is what she meant. That I’d wake up.
I came to realise that I was an empath, feeling and sensing other people’s emotions. At some stage in my life I shut this down because like many other people, I didn’t know what to do with it and I couldn’t distinguish other people’s emotions from my own. I say I shut it down, but it was still there, I was just ignoring it.
I started having lucid dreams(where you control what you do in your dream) and eventually started to receive messages to pass onto others.
Last year, I was lead to probably the most woo woo thing I’ve ever done. I came accross an energy healer and did a round of sessions with him. I’m pretty open to anything but this was an even deeper level of woo woo for me. We talked soul-level stuff like past lives and energy cords. Sean told me I was clairaudient (the ability to hear sounds and words from the spiritual world) and clairsentient (the ability to feel the physical and emotional state of others) with high intuition. No one had ever put it that clearly for me before. So I started to explore & develop it and just tuned into what I was hearing and feeling.
Late last year I had a business retreat in Geraldton, WA. It was on the other side of the country from me. My mum was in the middle of chemo treatment and I was exhausted from the emotions of it all. I almost didn’t go and I hate to think if I didn’t.
I arrived of course with a whopping headache. Headaches have plagued me for 10 years or so and even though I did everything I could to prevent getting a headache before going, I still managed to get one. I booked in for an intuitive massage. Well I was in for a wake up (because I hadn’t paid attention to the previous wake ups.)
Katie cracked my heart open. I cried and released everything I’d been holding onto for so long. She said my heart was closed off to recieving and if it was closed to receiving then I couldn’t give to my full capacity. She was right. I wasn’t fully aware that this was happening but I knew I’d shut my heart down so I wouldn’t be hurt.
So of course, my headache still wouldn’t go away. My coach kept saying to me “What’s going on with you babe”. I was so pissed off that I’d invested time & money, come all this way only to have a whopping headache and not do the work I wanted to do on my business.
I talked it over with Fleur and she gently planted the seed that maybe I was meant to be healing others. People had always told me I was calm and they felt calm around me. But I resisted that because I didn’t feel calm on the inside. In my logical mind I had no idea how to heal others, but I was about to find out.
While I was in Geraldton I had a Reiki and intuitive reading session. My Nonna showed up in the session and this was the third time she’s showed up. The first time I ignored her because we didn’t have much of a relationship while she was alive (complicated family stuff that I’m at peace with now) so I didn’t really believe it was her. This time she made sure I believed it was her. Kym asked me when I was going to do Reiki training. I started laughing! I’d been having regular Reiki sessions and I hadn’t told a single person that I wanted to learn how to do Reiki, but I never pursued it because it was so magical and I didn’t think I was magical enough.
And so at the start of April I completed level 1 Reiki training. Something told me to ask my friend if she knew any Reiki masters in Adelaide (my friend, who I’d met by ‘chance’). She suggested a lovely lady named Juliet and I rang her to find out how it worked. Still apprehensive because I thought I wasn’t magical or spiritual enough (logical brain again), I booked in for the training.
Juliet was perfect for me, just enough woo woo and also grounded. I was sitting there as she was introducing everything and I thought it all made so much sense to me. THIS is where I belonged. We had to partner up and do readings on each other. ‘Tune in’ to the other person and see what we received . The first one was tricky and I didn’t get much. But the second one – I got visions and sensations. When I told my partner she laughed and said what I saw was her big dream.
In that moment I started to believe I had to let go of my logical mind and stop trying to explain this, because I’d just tuned into a stranger accurately. See I’ve always been able to sense things from people and just thought I could ‘read’ people well. But lately I’ve realised that there is something more to all of this. I see things that others don’t. I look into people’s eyes and I really see them. I see their beauty, I see their flaws, I see their soul. I see sadness & unfulfillment and I see what lights them up.
I’m sharing this with you because it’s time for me to accept this part in me. I resisted it for so long. Not because I was worried about what people would think. But because I couldn’t see myself as that magical or spiritual. I knew that to see the magic in others and help them accept it (what really lights me up) then I had to accept it in myself first.