My 2019 Intention

Even though I’m 30, sometimes I still find it really hard to speak up and stand up for myself. Somewhere along the way I learnt that it was bad to be honest, to say how I feel, to call someone out when I was treated like shit. I decided it was OK to let people put their problems on me and keep quiet so I don’t ruffle any feathers. That somehow, speaking up, being honest or calling someone out makes me a bitch.Slowly I started to fill with resentment, because that’s what happens if you’re not truthful. A conflict raged inside me because honesty is one of my core values. So by not speaking up, I was going against my true nature.Situations kept showing up in my life where I chose to supress how I feel and let things slide. The more I did this, the more pissed off I became. Every time I supressed my words, it snowballed.
I’m a reformed people-pleaser, I hate conflict and I hate making people angry even if it’s not my fault. And you know what? It’s not OK. It’s not OK for me to lose energy/money/time/sleep for the sole reason of not upsetting someone else.

Last year I had to confront someone about something they did wrong. I hated it. But the alternative was me paying for and being stuck with something I was unhappy with. And not what I asked for in the first place.

So going into this year I decided I’d had enough. My intention for this year is SPEAK UP, and so far I’m loving being more honest in every way.  6 weeks in I can honestly (ha) say that speaking up is so much better than suppressing my words. I cannot tell you how much energy that was using.I decided that speaking up means using my words with intelligence, grace and kindness. Speaking with rage is never well received and has no positive impact.It’s time to stop being over responsible for other people’s feelings. 
Because when we do that, it generally makes us unhappy & full of resentment.Speak up and say what needs to be said. It might be uncomfortable but it feels way better than resentment ever will.What about you? Do you suppress what you want to say or let it out?

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