There are 3 important things I’ve learnt about relationships, in particular love relationships.
I will admit that I had no idea about these things and it was a learning curve for me. You don’t get a manual on how to do relationships. It’s something you learn from observing, whether you’re aware of that or not.
There are many communication styles and the mistake we make is speaking in our own communication style, rather than how the person listening communicates.
For example, I speak with LOTS of detail, but for some people details are a killer. If I spoke to everyone in that way, some people would glaze over and not take anything in.
So I adjust the way I talk based on the other person’s communication style.
This means being clear about how you want to be treated and what is OK/Not OK.
It’s important to be super clear on what your boundaries are so that your loved one knows where they stand.
For example, I’m not OK with being spoken to in a raised voice. In the past I’ve let people speak to me like that. Including my boss – I let him do that by not speaking up and being clear that it wasn’t OK.
This is a big one. You are only responsible for YOUR OWN actions and words. You are not responsible for anyone else, and no one else is responsible for you.
For example, I used to make myself responsible for other people’s happiness by doing what they wanted (even though I didn’t want to) in the hopes that they wouldn’t get angry/hurt/pissed off. I took responsibility for someone else’s feelings.
On the other hand, I’ve let others be responsible for me by making decisions for me.
Like I said it’s a learning curve and no relationship is perfect.
However if you use these key things in your relationships, you’ll find it less challenging, more harmonious, and more fun.