A little while ago, Rob and I had a couple of days away and in that time I realised how stressed I’d been in my every day life. The thing is, I didn’t actually feel stressed or have a big awareness that I was stressed. But I was waking in the middle of the night on most nights, and that’s a telltale sign that something was up. I needed to get away from my normal life to realise that though.
So I started to think about how things needed to change and how I couldn’t go on living like this. A big factor of my stress is my ongoing health issues. I have constant tension headaches and along with that chronic fatigue + fibromyalgia. Sometimes I also feel quite down about my health which adds another layer. I’m so restricted because of my health and so I have this constant feeling that I’m not keeping up or doing enough. It can often feel like constant catch up mode.
I was also super stressed about our wedding coming up in June.
As I was starting to think about what needed to change, COVID-19 was also starting to get more serious. At first I was watching a lot of TV about it and consuming every bit of information I could. Yep you guessed it, more stress. I was anxious and panicking about getting sick or my family getting sick, or worse. So I stopped watching TV or listening to anything about the pandemic and I can’t tell you how much better I feel.
Everything about our wedding is up in the air and we have to work things out as we go along. To be honest, I’ve kinda enjoyed the break from wedding planning.
I fell into embracing isolation. The truth is, I’ve been living a life in line with being an introvert for some time so it wasn’t that big of a change in that regard. But suddenly I had no obligations and no expectations. I could stay home and do whatever, whenever. I’m not gonna lie, there were some 3 hour naps in there. Obviously I was deeply exhausted! So far being in isolation has affected me in a positive way. It’s given me the opportunity to rest and change things in my life that weren’t working for me. I’ve done some little things to our house, studied, read and watched some really good shows.
It’s not lost on my that this isn’t everyone’s experience and many people are really struggling right now. We live in the county so it’s not overly populated and we have an essential business so we still have our income. We also don’t have children to take care of. I know all of these things make this less challenging for me and I’m very aware of how lucky I am.
Now that I’ve settled into isolation, I don’t feel as worried and overwhelmed. I don’t think about everything too much and just focus on what’s going on in my head and my home. I’m quite enjoying the solitide, space and this obligation-free time.