Unraveling The Good-Girl - Delisse Lazzara

Unraveling The Good-Girl

I’ve always been a good girl and a follower of rules. I did what I was told and I didn’t externally question or rebel. But on the inside I was annoyed, miserable and frustrated. I was exhausted, but didn’t know that my good-girl and people-pleasing tendancies were contributing to that exhaustion. These tendancies have been passed down through many generations of women and eventually I made a decision that it would stop with me. 

In my late 20’s I made a major and unconventional decision for myself. It was unconventional in the sense that no one in my circles had done what I was about to do. But deep down I knew it was the right thing for me and I had to somehow find the courage to voice what I wanted and go through with my decision. To people outside my town, it was no big deal. But within my own social and cultural constructs, I was met with resistance. 

At this time I began to have the epiphany that I could not be responsible for other people’s happiness. That no matter what I did or didn’t do, some people in my life would always be unhappy. That even though I had always done all the things that others wanted, they were still unhappy. And so was I. What was the point? Why was I doing exactly what other people wanted, when it wasn’t what I wanted? I realised that I was doing this out of guilt, fear of the reaction if I said no, and a personal responsibility of other people’s happiness that I’d somehow taken on. 

I was so miserable, so anxious and so tired that I could not do this anymore. And so, the unraveling of the good-girl began. I started to discover who I really was, what was important to me and what I wanted. This was all new and not something I’d ever thought about before. I continued to work on peeling back the layers and beliefs that I had picked up. 

On the other side I came out a much stronger, centered and happier person. I don’t answer to anyone except myself and I don’t justify my actions. From this position, I can choose who I want to connect with and support. I feel powerful in my own life because I’m certain about the motives and intentions behind my actions & decisions. Rather than acting from a place of obligation, I do what I want out of dedication. Dedication to myself and others. 

Leave me a comment if you can relate to my experience. I’d love to hear from you ❤️ 

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